Recently, I rewatched a snippet of an interview with Lao Russell. What stood out most was the emphasis she placed on mutual understanding between women and men, and their shared liberation. Ms. Russell believed that liberation is the same for both. My favorite part was when she said, “We as women forget that men like to be made love to, the same as we like to be made love to. They like the little attentions too.” That line stayed with me when I first heard it a year ago. Watching it again now, it stirs even more questions. 

Lately, I’ve noticed a rise in male-bashing, both subtle and exaggerated. I can’t help but wonder: in our efforts to assert our strength and independence, are we, at times, undermining the very balance we’re seeking? Might the fight for equality be better served if we also paid attention to how we speak about and treat our men, and remembered that they, too, still need the little attentions?

I, for one, believe in making love to my man. There are times when he is the sole focus, when my only desire is to satisfy him. I spoil him in the ways I’ve learned, over the last eighteen years, that he likes to be spoiled. I’ve always been a caretaker. It’s just who I am. Sometimes, I’m even overbearing.

But I often wonder: in my need to explore and maintain my independence, am I still providing enough of the attention my man requires?

I suppose the easiest thing would be to ask. But I think it might be more meaningful, more tender, to simply shower him with little attentions and watch. See what brings a sparkle to his eye, and what goes unnoticed.

I’m not the type to get my feelings hurt if something I thought was meaningful lands differently, or even has the opposite effect. I suppose that even after eighteen years, we’re still learning each other. And for that, I’m grateful. With every year comes new experiences, new opportunities.

In my house, I want liberation to feel more like a dance, and less like a fight. I hope I remember, more often, that he likes the little attentions too.

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” -Kahlil Gibran